«A new chick is a great trip» the adage goes (hey, I’ve studied!) but then... who would have said that from a golden-assed model for underwear she’d become a model for a sanitary wear company at 220 pounds, and that instead of little feathered high-heeled slippers she’d prefer Dutch trucker clogs. What horrible spell transformed this great piece of ass into a monster? It probably happened to you, too. Once it was love and baby mine, XXX and OOO, crazy about you, I miss you so much. Now it’s fook you and bug off. Well, here’s the book to help you understand how we screwed up. Because let’s admit, it’s our fault, too. From the moment the tissue of illusion rips open and you see the tragic reality – everything changes! Here’s a little survival handbook to get over the shock in the best way. At the beginning, when we made love she wore sexy garters, a G-string with roses, a push-up bra; when we started living together, Snoopy slippers, Doctor Gibaud elastic knickers, stretch knee-socks that you look at and say, no, sweetheart, knee-socks no… On the phone or in the bedroom, at the Maldives or on the ski trails, in the gym or at lunch with the in-laws, at Christmas or Valentine’s Day, there’s only one thing I know for sure: I married the exorcist! If by chance you still might be in doubt, voilà… tests for calculating your girlfriend’s – your boyfriend’s - exorcist quotient (and if she’s crabby she’ll have a good reason to!) – to try and understand at what point your relationship is: fresh as a daisy, ripe going on over-ripe or rotten. And at that point you can decide to go back to the single’s paradise lost: take a leak without worrying about misses on the seat, smoke and drink rum while you watch the game on TV, unlimited burps included. I advise you, as the experts say, to carve out some humongous space for yourself. And if when you talk with her, her head revolves 360° and green stuff comes out of her mouth, say a couple of Ave Marias and three Our Fathers. If she still doesn’t get back to normal... start running!